


and they were soulmates

by Jdragon122, LunaStories



Series: Deadpool does Fandom [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Canon, Crack, M/M, Sexy Times, Soulmates, and not even the good kind, can't snort it, if only Spidey could see how accomplished I am now, ohhhhh boy tags, strap in for a wild ride my taco fiends, this is as canon as it's gonna get baby, though I tried, we're here for a sexy time not a long time, when will Spidey call me back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 05:19:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15901668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jdragon122/pseuds/Jdragon122, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaStories/pseuds/LunaStories
Summary: Spidey is Angelina Jolie, Deadpool is Brad Pitt - and one other thing... they were soulmates, oh god they were soulmates.





	and they were soulmates

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome all you sinners to the den of the pool. As all of you may know I am a very _very_ accomplished mercenary. But what people don't know is that I'm also, what you call, a master of writing. A true New York's best seller in the makings -- have I also mentioned that I'm the new Picasso? And since I know you guys are dying to get a wiff of some of this white, powdery talent I've got here, I shall grace you with the honor of my fucking awesome words. Be warned, this is the real good crack you'll never get enough of ;) Enjoy, my new cult members -DP

The rain fell around them, and Deadpool watched as Spidey bent over to pick up his mask from where it had fallen. His suit hugged his body deliciously tight, like ribbons wrapped around a naughty Christmas present, the divots of rain allowing a sensual hint of bouncy buttcheeks. The rooftop was perfectly lit by some gorgeous purple lights casting a glow over Spidey’s toned body like a flaming gay firefly. 

Spidey turned around, a beautiful flush on his cheeks as he looked up at Deadpool with gorgeous blue orbs. His light brown hair was matted against his face, giving him the perfect just-out-of-shower look.

“That was an accident,” Spidey said sheepishly as his slender fingers wrung out the water from his mask. “But I’ve been meaning to show you my face. You mean so much to me, Deadpool. Ever since I saw your smooth, sexy, scarless face. I was lost in those amazing muscles of yours, the one’s you spend at least eight hours a day working out for.” 

Deadpool flexed, his muscles highlighted by the many rain drops that fell on his biceps and down to his buttocks.

“My name is Angelina Jolie, and I’m your soulmate!” Spidey sauntered over sexily, the rain parted for him like the Red Sea. Deadpool was too distracted by the hands tearing his mask off to question how this damn fic suddenly became a soulmate AU. 

Ahem.

Anyways, they were soulmates.  _ Whispers  _ oh my god, they were soulmates. 

Spidey dipped Deadpool like he weighed nothing, those thin arms that held enough power to snap him like a twig and end his life for good, those thighs that he wanted to wrap around his neck and choke him until he could no longer cry out “Daddy!”. The dashing Deadpool swooned in those strong Spidey limbs.

They were some delicious arms in a non-cannibal, un-vorey way. Deadpool groaned into the kiss that Angelina Jolie passionately pressed into his lips. He groaned as Spidey dominated the kiss, because apparently groaning while getting it on was a thing he liked to do. At least it was better than groans of pain like the one time he lost his virginity to a bike.

He slapped both hands onto Spidey’s ass, whimpering at how squeezable and jiggly they were, like a jiggly puff pokemon. And Wade was gonna be sure to catch them all. Spidey growled into the kiss, and shoved both of them down onto the floor. 

Deadpool could only watch with half lidded orbs as Spidey tore off his suit but kept the web shooters on. Spidey shot his fluid (heh) at Deadpool’s wrists and stuck them to the rooftop. Deadpool struggled against the webbing, loving the way it made him feel helpless and like prey for a very sexy spider (again, not in a vore way unless Spidey was into that  _ winky face _ ).

“Yes Spidey!” Deadpool cried out, throwing his head back while also flirtily batting his spheres at the clearly turned on hero. “I’m the sexy fly to your equally sexy spider self.” 

Spidey sat on him, like Deadpool had been dreaming of since the first time he saw those generous, ginormous, gelatinous glutes. He wondered if this was how it would feel if Bea Arthur, the love of his life, his actual true soulmate, sexed him up.

It was like that magical moment right before he blew someone’s brains in, when he breathed in that jerk off inducing gunpowder smell. God he fucking loved that smell. 

But what he loved more was Spidey grinding down onto his hard schlong, his diddly dick crying for release beneath his leather suit, like Ross in that one  _ Friends  _ episode. 

“You like that, you slut?” Spidey growled out as he grinded down. He was writhing on top of Deadpool like a fish out of water, like a worm on a fishing hook, a snake at a bar mitzvah. It was sexy. Spidey slapped him in a totally consensual way and he screamed like he was balls deep in a squealing hog.

“Oh Spidey,” Deadpool cried out, he came in his suit like the degenerate sinner he was but was still hard because he’s a stud of a man. Spidey was impressed by his mustang stallion stamina and by his dick size. His dick was huge in a horsey but not beastiality type of way. “Yes! I need you in my deadpool! My pool hole! And by that I mean my butthole if it wasn’t clear enough.” 

“God, you’re so attractive Wade,” Spidey cried out as he also came from the sheer power of Deadpool’s begging. His words were like the best anal probes with an accuracy that could find your magic love button within seconds. Spidey loved his talking, and it was enough to make him shiver in pleasure (not from the cold rain still falling around them). “Your sexual prowess is too much for me to handle!” 

“Oh Spidey,” Wade gushed as the hero shoved a hand inside his suit and tugged his dingle stick. “Or should I scream your name? Am I the Brad Pitt to your Angelina Jolie?” 

“What?” Spidey gasped into Deadpool’s mouth as he meowed like a kitten when Deadpool magically fought out of the webbing to free his hands and twist at Spidey’s nipples. They were like the gatcha machines, the ones you put twenty five cents in and get a cute toy out of. But of course in this case, it was helping Spidey get off. In a sexy way, not like he was trying to leave Deadpool because obviously he was attracted to Deadpool’s sexy ass muscles. He was practically glued to them with his special spidey sticking powers. 

“Spidey, my sexy chimichanga, you wouldn’t get it. Now get in my pool already,” Deadpool demanded as he kissed him back just as hungrily and their tongues jousted for dominance. It was like thumb war except wetter, more enjoyable and with much more saliva. It seemed that Spidey was winning the fight because his tongue was just as flexible as his lean meat 100% farm fed body.

And then Spidey came into his pool with all the grace of a many legged spider, with the force of a fire hose, a comet killing the dinosaurs, a tentacle up the butt, gracing his pool with the liquid of his Moses self.

Deadpool saw Jesus with how hard he came. Jesus was surprisingly ethnically ambiguous as well as gender neutral and supportive of his sexual preferences. He gave him two thumbs up before Wade came (hehe) back to himself.

“Wade, I love you and you are the light of my life, the bullet to my chamber, the han to my solo.” Spidey crooned as they lay there after they were done with the sexy times. 

“Spidey,” Deadpool said cooly, looking off to the side as tears gathered in his crystal orbs. “I’m bad for you, what if I turn you into someone like me?” 

Spidey kissed him hard, climbing into his lap as he rubbed himself all over the mercenary like a bad rash. 

“I love you anyways, you will always be my spider mate.” Spidey made a kissy face at him and Deadpool made one back. Because you don’t leave a bro hanging like that. 

Heh hanging, god he made himself crack up he was a real riot. 

Deadpool held Spidey in his grasp, rubbing a hand down his butt as he basked in the hero’s presence. 

“We have to think of a ship name for ourselves,” Deadpool muttered as he stared into Spidey’s kaleidoscope colored orbs and his whiskey blond hair that had cool highlights in it (thanks Hollywood for the makeover).

“How about Deadman?” Spidey suggested like the genius spider he was.

“You are a genius!” Deadpool yelled out as he pulled out a taco from his bag somewhere (he always keeps some on him, emergencies happen) and presented it to Spidey.

Spidey gasped, “Wade are you really?”

Wade got down on one knee, holding the taco up for Spidey to see, “Yes I am bro… Spidey, will you marry me?”

Spidey wiped the tears from his nutella chocolate spheres, “Bro… yes.” And then Spidey took the taco.

As they chowed down they sang a little song and proclaimed themselves the new Deadman power couple that not even the Revengers or whatever the hell, the Justice Legion, and sexist X-men (X-men, not X-people? It was really shady if you asked Deadpool) could break apart.

They were inseparable, like bubblegum on concrete, wax on foreskin, trauma from your childhood, pineapple on pizza,  _ My Little Pony  _ and porn (okay I’m getting off track). And they fucked happily ever after.

_ The end.  _

  


**Author's Note:**

>  _Wipes tears away_ Man that was some art right there, even white and yellow box agree that it was hot as fuck. If you liked it I might even deal out some more sexy words if you know what I mean ;) Since I'm a nice guy who sometimes kills people for a living, I would love to hear what suggestions you sexy chimichangas might have for my next masterpiece. Can't guarantee I'll write it but I can promise you my eternal soul for any sweet juicy comments you may have for me. Since he hasn't been answering my calls, comment here so Spidey-kun will notice me!  <3
> 
> Edit: We now have a [sexy fanart](https://stevedoescosplay.tumblr.com/post/177757234774/created-this-masterpiece-inspired-by-lunastories) created by one of our lovely readers ;) Reblog it and maybe Spidey will call me back ;-;


End file.
